Going to a biker rally is something we all get excited about, regardless of sex and age. However, the way women and men get ready for a biker rally is very different.

We thought you could use a good laugh! So let’s begin: the difference between men and women when it comes to getting ready for a biker rally.

Women:

Three weeks before:

• Book hair, nail, eyebrow appointment
  • Buy hair color
  • Search e-bay for new outfit
  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror…decide that you need to lose a stone in 3 weeks, so make mental note to do workout, sit-ups, squats, etc, every day
  • Save small amount of your favorite toiletries – face cleanser, toner, eye makeup remover, day cream, night cream, eye cream, factor 15 for the face and factor 8 for the body (the sun WILL come out), body lotion, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, hair product one (to give it body), hair product two (to make it straight), hair product three (to make it glossy), hair product four (so it does not frizz), hair product five (to keep it in place)

Two weeks before:

• Buy new outfit (two, just in case) off e-bay, found using searches such as ‘Biker babe’, ‘Biker rally outfit’, black goth’, ‘black basque ladies’, etc…
  • Start tan-tactic preparations, scrub flesh and moisturize

The week before:

• Dye hair, hair cut, buy new hair products
  • Eyebrows waxed
  • Manicure (and pedicure if it is summer)
  • Apply self-tanning creams (unless goth)
  • Look in shops for a new outfit (just in case you see one you like better than the two you bought last week)

The day before:

• Sort out the clothing you are taking into piles
  • The clothing you are wearing on a hanger
  • All other items hidden, so that your Victor Meldrew husband does not say “Do you think you are taking that lot for two days!”

The day of:

• Face pack, condition hair, shave armpits and legs, apply makeup with no mascara (to avoid panda eyes on the way in gail force winds)
  • Try to pack 10 tops, three pair of jeans, 3 sets of matching underwear, toiletries (as above), towel (the size of a small country) into a small bag
  • Text mates to see if they are taking hairdryers and/or straighteners as you realise you have gone over your allocation baggage allowance
  • Moisturize whole body, get dressed putting on extra layers of clothing that you could not fit into small bag
  • Put extra items you forgot to pack into coat pockets

Men:

No particular timeline, could be an hour before departure:

• Put tent on bike
• Take toothbrush if longer than one night
• Moan at woman and the amount of luggage she is taking for two nights
• Put on ‘rally’ pants, club t and leather vest
• Go…